A Musing #81

So here I am writing because I’m not in the mood to paint yellow pants right now. Honestly, that’s all thats going through my mind and I know I’ll get it done. Now the question is what I want to ramble about in my 200-300 word window. There’s the news, but I think I say it for the majority of us that it’s the wildest season of reality we’re watching. All our bullshit over the ages just popped off this year. Fuck.

Maybe it’s due to the season change or whatever neurochemical heist is happening in my brain, but I’m longing. Not for anyone in particular, but in general. I find myself missing people and things that I have never even seen or met before. My emotional response to people close to me feels more intense but delicate at the same time. It’s not the blues. There’s probably a word for it somewhere, but I would describe it as marinating in pre-nostalgia. Imagine a garden where you’ve planted moments and it’s all coming into bloom. It’s probably the reason why I decided to lean more to my portrait work these days. Just because they’re paintings doesn’t mean they aren’t great company.

Personally, I think there’s a lot of change happening around me and this is how I’m processing it. Living in the moment, but already replaying it in my head like an emotional deja vu. Let it hit twice, am I right? I miss you while I’m with you. It’s going to be an emotional autumn and I’m making sure I won’t be alone in the studio.