A Musing #55
Normally I would go on to apologize that I haven’t written, but I’ve done that too many times because life just tends to happen too many times. My world is in a large transition at the moment and it’s tough trying to hang on to everything. In the past, I wouldn’t be taking a break from work to deal with things but this storm has been heavy. There are periods in all our lives where we can’t not hit the pause button. For those of you going through your own storms, I might not know you but I’m imagining how good you’ll feel when the sunshines back on you.
The Cabba formula is usually “Feeling bad + Painting = Transforming negativity into beauty and productivity”. My solitude in the studio wasn’t enough to protect me. I’ve had to grieve the loss of my eldest dog. Pets are more than just animals. They are family. I like my dogs more than some people I know. I had him with me since I was 13 and that’s half my life spent with the little guy. Despite it being something planned with the veterinarian, I knew I was going to be in shambles at the end. Stack that on top of many other issues that I’ll save for later entries, I’ve been a mess. So instead of writing a post of my art, I’m writing about the love of my friends. That part of the world that’s outside my studio and who are there for me.
I’m grateful for the moments I’ve been able to spend vulnerable with them. The same way I can be alone in front of a canvas is the same way I can be in front of my closest friends. You see a painting. You see the moment that also acts as a barrier. To be really open and tender with someone there is a whole different thing. Take this as a reminder that it’s okay to have moments where you ‘re not okay. Knowing who I have around me gives me peace and strength. I needed to take a step back and be with them. Creating things to help heal my emotional wounds helps but those paintings aren’t there for me at the end of the day. Of course it’s important to be able to stand on your own, but life can break down even the strong.
To those friends who are reading this, I love you unconditionally and I’m eternally grateful. I realize that you’re there for me the same way I’m there for you. Nothing can compare to how complete I feel with you in my life. You’re the real thing and part of my heart will always belong to you.
To those in a tough spot reading this, everything will work out. In order for a flower to grow, we need the rain. You’re not alone. There’s no shame in reaching out to someone and there are so many ways to do so. You matter and your feelings are valid. Trust me when I tell you it’s all going to be alright.
